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Harper refuses to apologize for calling Supreme Court Judges “bunch of douches”

Blog posts reflect the views of their authors.
Harper refuses to apologize for calling Supreme Court Judges “bunch of douches”

“[Chief Justice] Beverly [McLachlin] was being a total bitch,” Justice Minister Peter MacKay said this week. “She was like, ‘you guys have to respect the constitution.’ And I was like ‘we asked some of our lawyer friends and they said our appointment [of Federal Court Judge Marc Nadon to the Supreme Court] was okay.’ And she was like, ‘dude, have you even read the constitution?’ And I was like ‘yeah, you think you’re the only one who can interpret the constitution?’ And she was like ‘hello, I’m the Supreme Court Chief Justice.’ She’s sooo full of herself. Steve’s right about her and those other Supreme Court Judges. They’re all a bunch of douches. No way should he apologize.”


After seeing aspects of his government's “tough on crime” agenda overturned, having his bid to unilaterally reform the Senate rejected and failing to get the go-ahead on the appointment of Marc Nadon to the Supreme Court, sources at the PMO say Prime Minister Stephen Harper has concluded “those judges are like sooo against me.”


Apparently that is what led the Prime Minister to issue a statement earlier in the week deploring “recent inappropriate actions from the Supreme Court of Canada,” and calling on members of the country’s highest court to stop “acting like a bunch of douches.”


The Prime Minister’s comments have been widely condemned by legal experts, including the Canadian Bar Association. Nevertheless, Stephen Harper has rejected calls from the opposition to apologize.


The Prime Minister’s harsh words towards the Supreme Court seem to be part of a pattern Conservative Party public battles with highly placed officials who have stood in the way of the government’s agenda.

  • April 2014: Former Auditor General Sheila Fraser calls the Harper government’s Fair Elections Act “an attack on our democracy.” Minister of State for Democratic Reform Pierre Poilievre will not refer to the widely-respected former official by name, but says so-called experts like Fraser are “full of shit.”
  • April 2014: Elections Canada chief electoral officer Marc Mayrand criticizes the Harper government’s Fair Elections Act for potentially disenfranchising hundreds of thousands of voters. Pierre Poilievre responds by calling Mayrand a “power-hungry megalomaniac and a total prick.”
  • May 2012: Parliamentary Budget Officer Kevin Page accuses the government of lying about the costs of procuring F-35 fighters for the Canadian military because internal documents had a price tag $10 billion higher than the $15 billion estimate made public before the 2011 election. Defence Minister Peter MacKay says that Page “is overstepping his mandate” and that he should “mind his own fucking business.”
  • July 2010: Statistics Canada Chief statistician Munir Sheikh resigns after Industry Minister Tony Clement says that the statistician is “comfortable” with abandoning the mandatory long-form census. Clement says “The guy is a frustrated computer geek who will never get laid.”
  • November 2009: Canadian foreign service officer Richard Colvin tells a parliamentary committee that Canada is turning a blind eye to the torture of Afghan detainees. Defence Minister Peter MacKay calls Colvin a “Taliban-lover who hates our troops.”
  • November 2008: Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission president Linda Keen orders the closing of the Chalk River nuclear facility over safety concerns. Prime Minister Harper calls Keen a “career bureaucrat” and a “Liberal appointee.” According to sources in the PMO, Harper tells Natural Resources Minister Gary Lunn to “go nuclear” and “fire her ass.” She is fired in January 2008.

* Author’s note: This article is satire. It is based on speculation about what Stephen Harper and his ilk would say were they to give voice to what is actually going on in their petty and wormlike little Machiavellian brains.


David Bernans is a Québec-based writer and translator. Follow him on twitter @dbernans.

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