Duffy’s Expenses in Pre-sanitized Audit Emit Overwhelming Stench

• Remodelling Kanata residence with Anne-of-Green-Gables motif – $40,000
• Surprise party for best buddy Nigel Wright – $20,000
• Irony of long-time rightwing free-marketeer bellying-up to government trough – priceless

 

As Canadians learn that the audit of senators’ expenses released by the Senate is an edited version of an original report, questions are being raised about certain passages of the original report that were removed. Those passages relate to disgraced Senator Mike Duffy.

 

It is now clear that the Conservative-dominated Senate’s internal economy committee sanitized the audit to remove details that could embarrass Senator Duffy.

 

In particular, the $40,000 Senator Duffy claimed to remodel his Kanata home with an Anne-of-Green-Gables motif seems, on the face of it, somewhat extravagant. However, Senator Duffy explained that the remodelling was necessary so that he could properly represent the people of his home province of Prince Edward Island.

 

“I live thousands of kilometres from PEI, so bringing a bit of PEI to Kanata will actually save the taxpayers money in the long run since that will mean lower travel costs,” said Senator Duffy.

 

The $20,000 in expenses incurred to hold a surprise party for former PMO Chief of Staff Nigel Wright has also raised eyebrows in the nation’s capital.

 

However, Senator Duffy explained that the $20,000 affair was actually “quite minimalist” for a man of Mr. Wright’s tastes. The extremely wealthy former managing director of Onex Corporation “rightly expects to be served the best champagne and caviar” when somebody throws a party for him.

 

Senator Duffy defended Mr. Wright as “a fine upstanding man and a great friend, a give-you-the-shirt-off-his-back kind of guy.”

 

It now appears that the Senate committee will get a second look at the sanitized expenses. For his part, Senator Duffy welcomed the review.

 

“I am confident that when they do [the audit] they will conclude, as Deloitte has already concluded, that my actions regarding expenses do not merit criticism.”

 

David Bernans is a Québec-based writer and translator. He is the author of Collateral Murder. Follow him on twitter @dbernans.

 

* Note from the author: This article is satire, although not really that far from the truth when you think about it.