“[Chief Justice] Beverly [McLachlin] was being a total bitch,” Justice Minister Peter MacKay said this week. “She was like, ‘you guys have to respect the constitution.’ And I was like ‘we asked some of our lawyer friends and they said our appointment [of Federal Court Judge Marc Nadon to the Supreme Court] was okay.’ And she was like, ‘dude, have you even read the constitution?’ And I was like ‘yeah, you think you’re the only one who can interpret the constitution?’ And she was like ‘hello, I’m the Supreme Court Chief Justice.’ She’s sooo full of herself. Steve’s right about her and those other Supreme Court Judges. They’re all a bunch of douches. No way should he apologize.”
After seeing aspects of his government's “tough on crime” agenda overturned, having his bid to unilaterally reform the Senate rejected and failing to get the go-ahead on the appointment of Marc Nadon to the Supreme Court, sources at the PMO say Prime Minister Stephen Harper has concluded “those judges are like sooo against me.”
Apparently that is what led the Prime Minister to issue a statement earlier in the week deploring “recent inappropriate actions from the Supreme Court of Canada,” and calling on members of the country’s highest court to stop “acting like a bunch of douches.”
The Prime Minister’s comments have been widely condemned by legal experts, including the Canadian Bar Association. Nevertheless, Stephen Harper has rejected calls from the opposition to apologize.
The Prime Minister’s harsh words towards the Supreme Court seem to be part of a pattern Conservative Party public battles with highly placed officials who have stood in the way of the government’s agenda.
* Author’s note: This article is satire. It is based on speculation about what Stephen Harper and his ilk would say were they to give voice to what is actually going on in their petty and wormlike little Machiavellian brains.
David Bernans is a Québec-based writer and translator. Follow him on twitter @dbernans.
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